Mastering the Art of Productive Meetings with Boundaries

How often do we find ourselves in meetings that seem to meander aimlessly, with no clear structure or purpose? Or find ourselves ready to run as soon as the tricky discussions arise.

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It can be painfully challenging to navigate at times, but overcoming this common problem isn't impossible when you set boundaries, find the courage and skills to lean into the tough stuff and create a strong foundation for your meetings.

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Setting Ground Rules

Ground rules are the foundation upon which expectations and behaviour within a group are built. Since everyone has their unique perspective and interpretation of common sense, it's crucial to establish these rules collectively. Doing so creates a shared understanding of how the group will function, fostering a cooperative and respectful atmosphere.

Ground rules are a list of agreements that define how a group will operate during a meeting. These rules establish what actions are permitted and what is not. Whether your ground rules are in place for a single meeting or an entire year, they are essential for maintaining a harmonious and effective gathering. It's important to revisit and adapt them as needed, especially when new members join the group.

For more complicated discussions, you may decide you revisit ground rules and enquire on adding additional ones, ensuring participants are reminded of the presence they bring, how it impacts others and generating awareness of the space we take up and the tone we approach difficult conversations with.

Ground rules should be collaboratively agreed upon (as opposed to being set for the group by one or two individuals). Some questions you might use when discussing and setting ground rules include:

• How do we feel about phones in meetings? Is there a rule we want to set here?
• What does respectful discussion look like?
• What are some things that really frustrate you about meetings that we can get on top of and prevent from happening?
• How do we feel about alcohol at our meetings?
• What about finish time and meetings that run over? What does that say or mean for us?

These discussions might result in a set of ground rules that look something like this:

• We keep our phones on silent during meetings unless its exceptional circumstances.
• Respect for one another is paramount in how we operate as a group.
• One person talks at a time. We endeavour to actively listen when others are talking and to hear different perspectives.
• We are courteous, kind and supportive of each other's differing roles.
• All ideas, experiences, and opinions are valid.
• Meetings finish on time, every time.
• No alcohol during regular weekly meetings (special events are treated differently).
• We are aware of the space we take up and remain conscious of ensuring there is space for us all.
• Members assist each other with tasks whenever possible; we carry the load together.

Note: Every group is different, and our ground rules will reflect this. The above set is from an actual community group committee, but this set will not work for every group. It is essential to have a collaborative discussion that brings you to a set of agreements or ground rules that work for you collectively.

It is important to discuss the deeper meaning behind the words in order to ensure everyone is on the same page and avoid misinterpretation. For example, defining what "respect" or "courteous and kind" means to your group can prevent misunderstandings. One question I love to dig a bit deeper with is, “What does this look like?”

Crafting Agendas

A well-structured agenda is the guiding light of your meetings. It provides direction, purpose, and structure, helping to keep discussions on track. While agendas can be flexible, having a standard format that can be modified as needed will keep you efficient. However, be cautious about becoming too routine, as some may find the meetings monotonous.

When constructing an agenda, consider the following questions:

• What is the purpose of our meeting?
• What does success look like?
• If we could achieve only one thing today, what would it be?
• How can we creatively learn more about each other and how we operate as a group/team?
• Are there any looming deadlines that need to be addressed?
• Have we included enough opportunities for connection between members?
• How can we ensure a variety of voices are heard?
• Is there anything that can be taken out of the agenda and shifted to pre-reading or another communication method?
• Do we have the balance right in terms of collaborating and engaging versus reporting in.
• Have we left enough space for people to raise things not on the agenda?

Navigating tricky conversations

In groups, things simply will not always be smooth sailing. Humans are complex, and when we come together in groups (or families), there is bound to be some stormy weather. Getting comfortable with navigating challenging conversations can be powerful because this is the place where trust is built.

Here are a few tips to remember when making your way through the tricky conversations:

• Don’t avoid the tough stuff. It doesn’t disappear but instead will return over and over again until you lean in and address it.
• Most people don’t actually need to be right. They do need to feel heard. When deep in opposing views, help people to hear each other by asking them to paraphrase what the other is saying. They don't have to agree with what is being said, but by demonstrating that they have heard the other perspective, you ensure both viewpoints know they have been heard.
• Look for the quieter people and help them to have a voice by creating space for them.
• Look beyond the words being spoken. What is the body language telling you? Is there more to be addressed?
• Don’t fear the silence. People need time to process and think. Don't rush to fill the space with more questions or content.
• Use a powerful question to cultivate new thinking and invite contribution.
• Don’t let the elephants hide in the corners. Name the elephants in the room. The big unsaid things you know are at play have less power if you bring them into the light.
• Establish shared understanding at the beginning of big discussions. What do we know to be true? What are the facts? Bring everyone to the same page and take it from there.
• Name the roles people are playing for the purpose of the meeting (or whose interests they are representing, especially if they wear multiple hats) and be clear about any conflicts of interest. Conflicts of interest are great, and they mean that there is skin in the game, but it is important that they are declared upfront.
• Conflict is a major fear for many people. It is the space where trust is made or broken in a meeting. People need to know they are safe. Be acutely aware of the feelings that conflict brings up in you and first facilitate yourself so that you can remain at the service of the group.
• Use a carpark to capture thoughts, questions or information that is off-topic to be addressed later. Keep focused on and committed to the purpose.

In the case of conversations where the stakes are high or in the instance that the group gets stuck, you might consider bringing in an independent facilitator to assist you with moving forward. Facilitators are trained to be at the service of the group and to create a container within which the objectives of a meeting can be met, and our focus is purpose and process. Our role is to help the group hear each other, come to an understanding, pool the wisdom, and synthesise the discussions, supporting you to make wise decisions and achieve the purpose. Having someone to drive the process who is impartial can generate trust and fast track the decision-making process'.

Mastering the art of setting boundaries and establishing a solid foundation for your meetings is the key to productive and harmonious gatherings. By leaning into the tough stuff as it arises and knowing when to reach out for help, you will ensure that you can keep moving forward towards your organisational goals and walking solidly on the path to your big bold vision of the future you wish to create.